Apropos of Cordelia

Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?

What ho!

Well, predominantly.

Any posts that are especially real life-y are Friends Locked (hah probably wrongly-wielded capitalisation.. yes I wield my majuscules) but mostly my stuff is unlocked.  Generally because I forget to lock and can't be bothered to set any sort of proper rules about that.

So if you would like to be my friend and read all my journal, write a comment here, via message or just wherever you found me then I'll add you back and we can have the most glorious of times in the world of friendship!

My profile has most of my info on but if you have any questions, be sure to ask 'em here!
Have fun now you crazy kids!

Sucker Punch?
Sorry, I know this is random and not a good post or nowt but Has anyone seen Sucker Punch?
If you have please please tell me yo' feels. I watched it a few months ago and couldn't work it out and now I'm thinking about it again and reading reviews/comments and it's breaking my mind all over again! I want to know what the deal is and maybe someone on here can help me?

Thunder, Lightning, The End of The World, Memory
I would like to discuss these things here but I'm too exhausted to convert my Facebook words to Livejournal ones so please accept my apologies and read on if you're in the mood for some Deep Thought

This is the most emo status I've ever written so don't read this if you're not down with that. I'm just a bit delirious and in a lot of pain (physically - I'm not just referring to the ol' existential angst) so here we go.
Thunder and lightning are scary. I can't think of anything witty or self-deprecating to add to that comment (but trust me, I'm aware of how I'm sounding). The weather's just freaking me out. First scarily hot now scarily not. I think it's the lack of control there is with weather and it reminds me of natural disasters, global warming.. death and destruction.. I like to think that I'm not scared of death since a substantial part of me wishes for it pretty much daily, however the only way I can quell my urges to shuffle off this mortal coil is to remind myself that I can make a difference to the world and help people cope, so being then reminded how fragile life is, how the whole of humanity could just cease to exist in an istant, all of history forgotten, all that effort gone to waste.. what's the point?
It makes me think of those people who, when they've been drinking and wake up with no memory of the night before, think "Hey, it must have been a great night!" I have never understood that. (I've never REALLY understood getting drunk at all to be honest). Surely our memories are the most important thing, our experiences that help us grow. I love Doctor Who's recurring theme of memory and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favourite films. I feel the value of memory especially because my illness has made my memory so poor and I forget things so easily.
Speaking of which, I can't think of how to end this or finish any of these thoughts, but I'm tired and can't be bothered to proofread any more. And I think the thunder and lighting's long gone (it'll be with a heavy heart that I inform Hermione that no, turns out it didn't signal Thor coming to see her). So. Night. Sorry and stuff.

Winter's Bone?
I just wrote a really long post but it got too much and I'm too tired to finish it (this happens a LOT - which is why I haven't posted in so long!) so I'm just going to say this:

(ETA: this is clearly still a long post and it's kind of a joke that I would even start with brevity in mind and mean it but let's continue regardless)

Have you seen Winter's Bone?

I just watched it then read loads of reviews and interviews with Jennifer Lawrence/a couple with the director but I still don't really understand what the POINT was in it all, what they were trying to say with it.

It's really bothering me, as for the first half of the film I didn't really get what was going on (my view was clouded by several different things that might not be to do with the film being unclear, it might just be ME, so I'd really appreciate hearing what other people think and discussing it) and although I got to understand it towards the end and I really liked the end, I realised I didn't really understand WHY the film was made, and what I was SUPPOSED to be getting from it. There was still a lot I didn't understand, and the things I thought I DID understand weren't really talked about in reviews or interviews so I was even more confused!

I'm not explaining myself very well but I'm just really tired and would really appreciate some comments making sense of this a bit more! I've really missed discussing things on LJ and reading people's posts. Tumblr is great, but it's not got the same discussion-friendly..-ness of LJ. It's obviously easier and less pressure to just post stuff though, so I don't know if anyone even still comes on here anymore! I really hope so and that there's lots of reading material waiting for me when I come back after a few hours' sleep - on people's journals as well as in the comments? Hopefully?

Side note: I've really wanted to do a massive essay post on The Hunger Games ever since I finished reading a couple of weeks ago as I watched the film then read the trilogy AND IT IS THE MOST PERFECT THING. It makes me weep with its perfection. So many aspects, themes, etc. are things I've wanted to write about and all the characters are so real and serve an important purpose to the (exciting and brilliant) story. It's amazing. I've seen criticism from pretty much all the YouTube vloggers I watch and admire so I was a bit confused, but then there's intelligent defences like this that calm my mind, but I still want to do a big post and see if others agree with me on everything! Because my opinions are the importantest.
I truly think The Hunger Games - all three books - are great works of literature, even if they are for "young adults". People shouldn't be snobby about stuff like that. Steven Moffat said "Anything can be addressed to a child audience – you just have to write it better. ... You can discuss anything. We've had a suicide in [Doctor Who]. You just have to do it clearly and honestly and with enough integrity that children will watch it and understand it, and parents will be happy that they do so. ... Writing for adults often means just increasing the swearing – but find an alternative to swearing and you've probably got a better line." The Hunger Games doesn't talk down to "kids" and I love that. I think it's important for young people to read stuff like this and discuss these themes just as much - if not more than - older people.
Because I want to get messages across in my own (hypothetical) fiction, I do tend to get really excited when people are successful at getting clear messages and themes across in their work, as so often it's too subtle. But because I have this mindset of seeking out messages and finding meaning, I'm not sure if The Hunger Games is TOO obvious or preachy? I don't know. So I do need to write a big post on it all.

I really do need to sleep now so genuinely SORRY, as always, for rambling and being incoherent and stuff, but I hope you share my interests/confusion and/or can shed some light on.. anything!

P.S. Jennifer Lawrence, eh? I quickly just made a shoddy icon so she could be representative of my spirit or something. I'm sorry Carey but you're married and stuff now. That ship has SAILED. (just kidding, but Jen has actually overtaken Carey in a lot of ways re my heart so. idk. not that this is come big honour, having my favour or something, just a comment.)

horrible histories - problem
I was just about to post this as a comment under a photoset on Tumblr but it turned out pretty long and discussions are nigh-on impossible to have on Tumblr so here it is here! Reworked for LJ!
It's another of my paparazzi rants but hopefully I say some new things.

Ahem hem.

Often, paparazzi photos make my heart sing with joy because for a moment I can just feel euphorically happy that I get to see people I admire being happy and successful and adorable in "real life" as much as they are when they're "on show".
I mean, the gif below is one of the most adorable recordings in this world ever. Fact.

But then, especially with a series of photos like the one below, the magic stops.



Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield | Out & About in NYC (2012)

I am brought back to the reality that it is RIDICULOUS that the whole idea of paparazzi is considered to be okay by society. I've written this a lot of times but this photoset is such a perfect example of why THIS IS NOT OKAY.

I'm not a huge fan of "public displays of affection" but everyone has their right to go about their day without constantly having to look over their shoulder, in fear of being photographed, judged, spied on.

These people being essentially stalked are "celebrities" - CELEBRATED people - so why are they being punished?



I get it. I get the fascination (check out the works of Marina and the Diamonds, pictured above in her videos for Primadonna and Hollywood - so much of her work/very being is about these themes etc. and she is so honest and wonderful and such an inspiration ♥) and, as I said, I love seeing people when they don't have to be acting for the camera, natural, see what they're wearing/doing (and I get the thing where people want to judge celebrities and put them down to make themselves feel better - it's a sad world) but it's THEIR (the celebrities I mean) CHOICE as to how much they share. We all deserve that right. We're all just trying to figure ourselves out, we don't need the world breathing down our necks and scrutinising our every move.

I have a theory (not to be like "Me, The Maverick" but this is something I keep thinking and it's probably not just me but this is how it feels a lot of the time since this shit CONTINUES) that pretty much all of the world's problems are caused by the simple fact that we can so easily forget that PEOPLE ARE JUST PEOPLE (I should probably do a whole post on this but basically what I mean is that there's a lack of understanding, barriers in communication etc. etc. and if we all just understood the fallibility of each other and how we're all human then things would be a lot easier. "Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle" - Plato).

I just want to add - I agree that the media gives us what we want but they ARE perpetuating it and if they stopped and everyone were just better educated about these things then.. just make it the case, would you, society? Are you listening?

And I have to say that just regular people who aren't famous make me nervous so I can see how meeting someone you admire could make you freak out. I know people are just people but we all want to make a good impression and sometimes the crazy just comes out by accident. It's human. It's fine. We just have to kind of accept that to be honest. If we were all accepting of each other then maybe we wouldn't be so hyped up and worried about what people think all the time.



(I have a lot of 1D on my dash and I have no idea what the context of this is but it's beautiful so)

The above is just my go-to for all paparazzi-ish conversations. A classic.

I've argued this many times and I'm of course not the only one who feels this way and I'm not trying to be all high and mighty or like I know more than anyone. I just have always felt really uncomfortable about paparazzi and it makes me sad that we can't all just love and accept each other and try to understand each other by treating people like people - the same as you and me - and being reasonable and talking to each other honestly, or in the case of celebrities, see their "art" or whatever they're doing, watch their interviews, and hopefully we'll get a better understanding of those we admire and the human race in general!

Sorry I'm sounding cheesy and ridiculous but it's hard not to when I'm talking about this stuff! I feel like it's so obvious to me and so it must be to everyone but it wasn't so long ago that I wasn't really aware of these things. "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemmingway. In the nicest possible way of saying it, it's simply ignorance that makes us do bad things. "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" and all that. Most of the time we don't even realise we're doing bad because we haven't been educated to know different. And this isn't such simplistic things as "good vs. evil". Evil doesn't exist in my eyes. It's just good intentions, mistakes, misunderstandings that lead to so-called "evil". We can all be forgiven.

Just learn lessons and don't feel ashamed of who you were before you were ~enlightened - not that I'm saying AT ALL that I'M the one enlightening you! But I've learned things before and I felt embarrassed because one can so easily teach these "principles" to someone else and feel all superior, when in fact you've only learned this stuff moments before!

Life, eh?

I'm ending this here now so please do comment and have fun and "Take everything seriously except yourselves" - Rudyard Kipling
Most of these quotes are from memory so I hope they're accurate. Proud if they are - my memory is terriblay.

Oh! I'm doing really well life-wise by the way. I need to write an update. I'm getting help from doctors and stuff and I've got up and gone to bed "normally" for a week! Which is a huge thing for me as I spent 2 years being too depressed to sleep or get up!

So I'll hopefully write again soon, if only for my benefit as I'm already forgetting things!

But my memory will get better! The state of my health and memory are closely intertwined so as I get better health-wise so will my memory! Hurrah! So I'll be all:



And stuff.

Nighty night xx

(nice sunny day there to accurately represent night.. but accurately represents why you DON'T NEED PAPARAZZI WHEN CELEBRATED PERFECT HUMANS ARE THIS OPEN AND LOVELY)


and animals and plants and stuff
I just watched a Harry's Law in which an ape used an iPad and had an IQ of 90 and stuff and it was really sweet so I ain't gonna discriminate. Damn speciesists.

Motivational Tattoo Planz

Long overdue updates aside (want to Tumbl? not that I real life talk there but), I just posted this on Facebook (want to Facebook?) and wanted to share here too. Because.

Soo after 2+ years I've finally decided what tattoo to get!
(I trust it will look a tad better and more legible than this biro scrawl I was just testing out.. but I guess that depends on the tattoo artist or whatever. I don't want me one of those warped Cullen faces marring my limb for eternity)

"and it's from the old
I travel to the new
keep me travelling
along with you"

Yes it's a hymn. Yes I'm pretty much an Atheist. Yes it's about God. But I always kind of believed in God in like a William Blake-ish way, that He's in all of us (Blake was into that, right? I dropped out of school that year, man). And I want to find that strength in myself every day to keep going, "travelling", using my past experiences and pain, "the old", as I "travel to the new". I could go on. But basically a few weeks ago I had to go to hospital in the ongoing saga of trying to find out what's wrong with me and I'd had one of the worst days of my life the day before, but that day I woke up strangely peaceful with that hymn in my head, those lines, "one more step along the world I go, one more step along the world I go, from the old things to the new, keep me travelling along with you", and it was like an epiphany or something. I just felt like I was getting somewhere and I had to get them words on my wrist. I was scared to tell anyone in case it sounded stupid but I need to have faith in myself even though doctors and stuff might not, and I've got to keep going. Because it's been way too long and I'm goshdarned tired of it!

You know it, bro.


I was on YouTube watching Marina and the diamonds videos (PERFECTION) and I went to the main page and what was in my subscriptions box? Only a video with "My Tattoo" in the title!

And when I watched it it turns out that Blair wants one that says "strength" for EXACTLY the same reasons as me, in exactly the same place, and she wanted to get hers on her 18th birthday but put it off too!

I wrote this comment:

I literally just decided to get a tattoo after wanting one for 2 years since my 18th birthday!
I just want to get on with my life and want the tattoo exactly the same reason as you.
Your talking about Sheridan also really helped me in that I felt and still do feel the same way about my friend who passed away last year.
One of your best videos. Thank you so much, you're truly an inspiration. I'm having such a hard time and this has made me sure I want to get the tattoo and be strong like you xx

Character limits are always a burden for me since brevity has never been my strong suit, but hope I managed to get the point across despite my lack of personality or interesting language! No fun!

But yeah, all what I said in the comment times a gazillion! But I couldn't write the whole thing in caps without some sort of self-effacing apology and I hadn't the space! So... yes. I'm even more sure about this tattoo! I'm so excited!

Male Companion on Doctor Who?

Just read this on Tumblr:


Smith says he starts rehearsing season seven episodes on February 13 and starts filming on February 20. He also reveals that he “wouldn’t mind a male companion now that Karen has left.” Of course, considering how close we are to the start of filming, you would sort of think Smith must have some idea who the next companion will be at this point, at least in the broad strokes. So yeah, feel free to interpret this as a knowing hint, if you so desire.

In other words - Matt doesn’t think theres ever a woman who can replace Karen so would rather be working with a guy. (via mattsmith-karengillan)

Firstly, re Matt and Karen being separated:

I do think The Ponds leaving soon-ish is kind of necessary but it's still heart-breaking. Especially behind-the-scenes-wise.

Re a male companion though, I've always thought that would be a really interesting dynamic, but now I actually think about it, the feminist in me realises there sort of needs to be a female companion, doesn't there? Doctor Who is such an influential show for kids (and adults!) to look up to, so without a female.. aspirational figure I guess.. it'd be a bit weird. I don't know. I need arguments for this as I can't see past that now! I'm sick of all the male-dominated shows and although it would be great to have a male (or alien? I know the companion's meant to sort of be our representative/person we can relate to but that could work?) companion, I feel a bit iffy on this.

I really would love to have a male companion to mix things up, see what kind of person he could be, explore how having a man instead of woman around would affect the Doctor etc. etc. but I think Doctor Who's a great platform to show strong and real women who are on a par with the alpha male-type know-it-all Doctor. It's not being done well enough in many other shows/films/anything for it to be worth letting go of here.

But I honestly don't know! Any and all opinions would be very welcome!

I have lots of unfinished posts outstanding but this is quick and I really want to know what people think!

(Different one but still relevant)

ETA: I just re-read this and have to add that I only think the Ponds should leave because the show's got so dark and the Melody storyline is THE ACTUAL WORST and has ruined so much, so I think they should get the hell out of there before their lives are TOTALLY ruined.
Though since falling in love once more with the Moff via the Sherlock commentaries I have learned to trust him again and hope now that he will be able to make their ending as beautiful as they deserve. I really really do hope that they're going to be happy! I am so emotionally invested I'm not sure I can handle the trauma of more Pond heartache.


(gifs by goodbyeleadworth)

War Horse (no spoilers, just endorsement)
A deeply cynical mindset paired with a lifelong animapathy/misanimalthropy (I coin words, don't love creatures) caused me to.. not quite.. appreciate the first 20-ish minutes of the beautiful War Horse. However, as the story unfolded I.. well I can't say that I'm now a full-on convert to the methods and practices of animalism, but I definitely can't look at horses in the same way again, and love that particular one like mine own child.

Of course though, the film wasn't solely re or reliant on horse-loving (as, after that 20-ish minute mark I was frankly relieved to be reassured), and I absolutely adored it all; what it meant, showed.. all that. Brilliant. So much so in fact that this is quite clearly where my thus far flaw-free reviewing breaks down somewhat. Too good to word-ify.

I can't remember what precisely his words are here but just look at that face... hair..... general... stage.. presence.. etc.

So really I just basically recommend you watch it. You and every other being in the cosmos. Possibly not my favourite EVER war film but a darn good'un, that's fer sure. And a lot more than just a war film. Or a horse film. Or a film in which attractive and wonderfully talented actors appear. It has many merits. Discover each and every one for yourself by watching War Horse! Out now! Be on your way! Ya ya! *whip crack*

Ahhhhhhh the HQ-ness of it all!
On the subj of which, I cannot compute how there is apparently not in existence an HHHHHHHQ version of this photo somewhere:

FOOOOLLL-y fool fool FOOOOOOL-y Guardian!

Byeth the wayeth, so so so much love to David Kross for being a part of War Horse in addition to The Reader (my very brief and not extraordinarily great review is here if you click) as The Reader was one of the first films I watched that I loved for (among other things) making a "villain" sympathetic and human - no cliched and should-be obsolete "good vs. evil" motif (reminds me of Thor's Loki now I think of it! - and obviously War Horse - the neutral horse making you realise we're all human, no sides to take) so both the film and Mr. Kross hold (hold?) a very special place in my heart ♥




As usual I have no proper ending to this post and it has taken me way too long with way too many distractions and it's now nearly 5am and...
I should go.

But so should you!
To watch War Horse!


The end.

Something is rotten in this state of mind
frodo sam hug
Please excuse my laziness but I just posted the following on Tumblr (clicketh) and instead of adapting I'm going to straight-up copy and paste.

Here it is.


My dash is all hobbitses and in the past couple of years I've got really weird about spoilers and my broken mind and body can't handle it.

Even my sister saying the other day: "I knew it was going to be good, but not THAT good!" (re Sherlock Holmes Dos which I couldn't see as was ill.. illness being the reason why I've been such a mess SO MANY YEARS.. but mostly the last couple) made me feel really bad for a good few minutes before I could try to forget it and move on.

I like to form my own opinions by watching the thing in full as it was intended, not have any preconceptions or previews. I feel like it's ruined if I see a clip or image or anything before I see something! I get all tense and upset.

Bit weird sharing my feelingses on Tumblr (beyond those re the films themselves) but I just feel bad I'm not reblogging any Hobbit stuff and wanted to say why. Just for my own peace of mind. Because Lord of The Rings is genuinely the most perfect and beautiful and my favouritest, inspiring-in-my-darkest-moments films ever ♥

So if you're not an IDIOT like me the trailer came out 2 hours ago (I found it... FOR YOU so this wasn't such a downer post) and a few years ago I would be weeping with excitement and happiness so I truly hope you are as excited as I would be!

If anything feeling this utterly crapulistic that I can't be excited just reminds me to KEEP GOING as next year is such an AMAZING year for films and I have so much to look forward to.. I just have to focus on getting better, even if I don't know how yet.

I'll post this on LJ too actually. I'm cordeliasmarz if yo is down wit readin dawg.

Since I started here though on what was supposed to be a one-sentence number but inevitably I suppose had to turn into a full-on ramble... think I'll still post here too.

Even though I've only ever posted a couple of personal things.

But still.

I hope if anyone's interested they'll go over to LJ as I prefer to ramble, though I get too stressed to post most of the time.

Tumblr is important to me too though, it's just not designed for rambling.

Which is why I don't usually.

I mostly follow people for gifs, graphics, quotes etc. as I see Tumblr as more of a scrap book of inspiration than.. I don't know! If people post text I generally read it, I just can't reply which drives me crazy! And I'm too lazy to "Ask".

I do love analyses and a lot of text posts are good for Tumblr, but only in relation to fannish things. Some graphics, tags etc. have actually helped me understand and appreciate Harry Potter more! Tumblr helped me understand art so much more BECAUSE it's more focussed on the art itself, rather than words, which is what LJ is. I write and the art is around it mostly.





I'm tired.

Sorry Martin.

For so many reasons.

Well two.

Styling Advice? I'm giving it on Facebook now apparently.

I just shared this video on Facebook:

And there's already some internal eye-rolling going on at myself for posting some rambles alongside but my intentions are pure.

Here's wot I sed:

Hai gurlfriends! Just thought I'd share this since I watch millions of these videos and this one is especially interesting and helpful. So I feel compelled to share it with those I enjoy the company of. So you look nice and feel good about yourself and stuff. Not that you don't already. These things are just nice to know.
She also has videos on body shape which are great.
Hope you enjoy, person who is reading this! xx

[Character limit forced me to put the rest as a comment below]

Not to be patronising like "I know ALL and you know NOTHING" but I've been watching makeup/fashion videos/reading magazines etc. for years and find it interesting, have a lot of time on my hands, and am willing to share my INIMITABLE WISDOM with you CRETINOUS PLEBEIANS.
Just kidding, I'll probably just point you to another video but it's the thought that counts. So if anyone has any questions you can ask me.
Really random but I thought I'd proffer my vague knowledge upon.. you. Anyone.
Might be socially unacceptable but hey, I AM socially unacceptable. You can inbox me if you think this is weird and don't want anyone to know you're conversing with a socially-challenged weirdo.
See-eth thou on thy flip side, home boy xx

So that's. That.

I readily assume that if anyone is bothered enough to react to my rambles they'll think me a royal twerp.


Even if there is just one person who is self-conscious about how they look, is in need of such information as is explained in the video or that I am so KINDLY offering... then it is worth sacrificing my good name.

For I clearly am in possession of a good name. One I have no wish to tarnish.

People have a high opinion of me. I have a place in society.

I do!

And I think a selection from my collection of 280 welcoming profile pictures prove this firmly.

I can't be bothered to edit my name out of these as a) it's a made-up surname because in my imaginary world I'm married to Lord Chuffnell off of Jeeves and Wooster (purely for the title) and Howard Moon from The Mighty Boosh. (This is another bit of evidence for you of the name I have to uphold on Facebook.) and b) you can add me if you like now I think of it. I update more on there and I love all of yous like proper actual friends (no really! would you believe it!) so if you're up for sharing I am!
I've only got 3 "internet friends" on Facebook at the mo but tell me below if you're down with this, bro!



/examples of my postings then you make your own mind up as to how deserving of esteem they are?


Exhibit a) .. or b) if you're counting that attractive "what I wear to go for walks on the cliffs" photo. Which you probably would. So.. bye. Hi. Here's exhibit b)

Actually maybe I need no more photos to prove to you how utterly classy my friends must think me.


Luckily most of the people I regularly hang out with and so deeply respect seem to enjoy my elegant behaviour.

The perfectionist in me can't stand the bad covering-up of that surname but despite her apparent willingness to associate with The Cordelia, my thoughts are that maybe I should hide her identity. Just in case.

And I should say that that wasn't her reaction to Matt Smith's buttocks. It was re this (just for full disclosure):


So as you can see from just three examples, I'm a pretty big deal. I can't just go about being WEIRD all of a sudden! I need to act normal! For my public!

I know this is a hugely egotistical yet extremely self-conscious post... but then that sort of describes my whole being... and every post I do... so that kind of petered out.

Started well, that post? Arguable.

But it's ended wonderfully.


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