Apropos of Cordelia

Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?


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Thunder, Lightning, The End of The World, Memory
jen
cordeliasmarz
I would like to discuss these things here but I'm too exhausted to convert my Facebook words to Livejournal ones so please accept my apologies and read on if you're in the mood for some Deep Thought

This is the most emo status I've ever written so don't read this if you're not down with that. I'm just a bit delirious and in a lot of pain (physically - I'm not just referring to the ol' existential angst) so here we go.
Thunder and lightning are scary. I can't think of anything witty or self-deprecating to add to that comment (but trust me, I'm aware of how I'm sounding). The weather's just freaking me out. First scarily hot now scarily not. I think it's the lack of control there is with weather and it reminds me of natural disasters, global warming.. death and destruction.. I like to think that I'm not scared of death since a substantial part of me wishes for it pretty much daily, however the only way I can quell my urges to shuffle off this mortal coil is to remind myself that I can make a difference to the world and help people cope, so being then reminded how fragile life is, how the whole of humanity could just cease to exist in an istant, all of history forgotten, all that effort gone to waste.. what's the point?
It makes me think of those people who, when they've been drinking and wake up with no memory of the night before, think "Hey, it must have been a great night!" I have never understood that. (I've never REALLY understood getting drunk at all to be honest). Surely our memories are the most important thing, our experiences that help us grow. I love Doctor Who's recurring theme of memory and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favourite films. I feel the value of memory especially because my illness has made my memory so poor and I forget things so easily.
Speaking of which, I can't think of how to end this or finish any of these thoughts, but I'm tired and can't be bothered to proofread any more. And I think the thunder and lighting's long gone (it'll be with a heavy heart that I inform Hermione that no, turns out it didn't signal Thor coming to see her). So. Night. Sorry and stuff.


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For me, I try not to see the bigger picture. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but you're right, if all humanity just disappeared, the world would no longer have Shakespeare's plays, or beautiful architecture, or fish and chips or bubble wrap. That does make it all seem futile in one sense, but that's all the more reason to appreciate it now. Maybe if I died tomorrow there would be no chance that I find a cure for cancer in 2020 and save millions of lives. But I don't think that makes the things I've done up until now any less important for being smaller scale, affecting people's lives in a much more modest way.

It's sad to look at it that all humanity would "go to waste" just because no-one's around to appreciate it any more. If things have been wonderful and great things achieved, then that's it's own goal, surely? If you look at Ancient Rome, some of those Emperors would be horrified to know that it's now ancient history and been dead for the best part of 2000 years. They'd think that was a huge waste. But most of Western Europe's laws, ideals, culture and infrastructure are hugely influenced by that dead empire. I found out yesterday that the US Space Shuttle, probably one of the most advanced forms of travel we've invented, is the size it is because of a direct correlation with the size of Roman War chariots. That's an incredibly long-term effect.

I think I've lost myself here, I've been on my own in a room for two days and I'm going a bit stir crazy. Just don't let where things are going worry you, enjoy now and the future will sort itself out :o)

*hugs*

*THIS IS WHERE I WOULD PUT A GIFT OF PEOPLE HUGGING IF I WERE YOU*

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